Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
