You just made me feel so damn special
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
