I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
