There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
