p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
