Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
