Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
