drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
