I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
