I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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