is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
