nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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