There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
