have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
