I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
