she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
where are my eyebrows?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
