at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
