listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
