i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
