Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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