dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
two words...techno handjob
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
