Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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