I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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