just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
