Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
