Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
