I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
