sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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