I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
