I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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