I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
