Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
