I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
