btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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