We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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