I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
