three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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