and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she woke up with a sticky ear
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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