Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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