Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Randomize