We won't sleep together?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
