Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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