i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
