Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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