Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
