When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
