we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nutella sex= disaster
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize