I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
