I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
