just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
