is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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