Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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