UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize