i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
