I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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