Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
