Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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