I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
