I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
