You're completely useless in the revolution.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
