I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
50% drunk capacity currently
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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