mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
