the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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