Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
