last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
