pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
