He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
