We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
