it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
