i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
