I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
