Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
