i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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