He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
